I’ve been thinking a lot about balance these past few weeks. Not just between work and personal life, but also between goals and hopes, planning vs going with the flow, life as a whole I suppose.
I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person but I keep adding things to my “give it your all” list. I’ve realized I can’t keep this up and realistically expect to actually achieve much of anything. Instead, I need to prioritize and allow myself to set some things aside without guilt.
If focusing on joy in life becomes my priority, versus making others happy, I know it will help balance work its way back naturally. Something I haven’t allowed in far too long.
As I’ve mentioned, I recently started treatment for PTSD and it’s helped me realize just how deeply its invaded my life, on every level. I’m angrier than I realized. I’ve held in more sadness than I realized. I’ve pushed my own hopes and goals away more than I realized. I’ve spent the past nearly fifteen years actively surpressing what happened to me and it has taken a toll.
I have a therapist I can trust, a significant other with unwavering love and support for me on best and worst of days, and I’m finally seeking balance in life. They say the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem and that’s what I’m finally doing this year.
No longer staying constantly busy to ignore the problem. No longer making everyone else’s goals and needs a priority so I can ignore the problem. No longer pretending everything is fine as if there was no problem.
I’m working to be mindful in the moment and aware of the problem. I’m making my goals and needs my priority so I can address the problem. I’m admitting things are most definitely not fine because I do have a problem.
PTSD is something I will always carry with me but I’m finally learning the tools to help me live a balanced life with it.